Many people who meet me in an improv context are surprised to learn that I am an introvert. Their stereotype of people who are bold enough to perform in front of others is that they must be brash and loud and attention-seeking. This is indeed true of many improvisers, but I have a strong suspicion that introverts are overrepresented among expert improvisers. The reason? The ability to listen is the most important skill an improviser can have.
In her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, Susan Cain points out that, contrary to popular belief, introverts are often very effective leaders. Their listening skills allow them to hear new ideas and to connect with people in a meaningful way. In the same vein, introverts may bring a type of creativity to the stage that their extroverted counterparts must work harder to develop.
When I started improvising, I may have lacked the confidence that extroverts approach the stage with, but I think I learned faster than those students who oozed charisma and seemed to be able to think of witty things to say off the top of their heads. The problem with relying on your wit in an improv scene is that no matter how clever you are, eventually you will run out of funny things to say. And since you haven’t been listening to your scene partner, you haven’t forged a connection with them that can help carry you through the rest of the scene. You may not know what the scene is about; worse yet, your scene may not be about anything since you missed several opportunities to jump on fun things to explore that came up along the way.
While introverts may have a natural advantage, anyone can improve their listening skills with practice. The first step is to investigate when and why you don’t listen. The following are 12 habits that get in the way of true listening, as presented in the book Messages: the Communication Skills Book by Matthew McKay, Martha Davis, and Patrick Fanning. They weren’t written for improvisers, but I have attempted to adapt and explain them so they can be applied to your improv skills.
Comparing
The listener uses what the other person is saying as criteria for examining how he or she measures up. As most beginning improvisers are taught, self-judgement only gets in the way during a scene. Of course, it takes many improvisers years to silence that voice of judgement in their heads.
Mind Reading
The listener hears the words the other person is saying, but looks for evidence that the other person may be hiding their true feelings. This one is the oddball on the list, because this is actually the kind of listening that I teach my students. Everything said has meaning, even if that meaning is hidden. This is one of those examples of things that don’t serve us well in life are the very things we want to do on the stage.
Rehearsing
The listener is busy planning what he or she will say next. So many improvisers get caught in this trap, particularly when they feel the need to be funny or clever. Being on stage and not knowing what is going to happen next can be a scary experience, even for a seasoned improviser. It takes a lot of practice to learn to relax, stay in the moment, and trust that if both partners truly listen to each other, the scene will unfold naturally.
Filtering
Once the listener hears (or doesn’t hear) the specific message he or she is interested in, the person mentally checks out. In improv scenes, characters are allowed to do this as an expression of their point of view, but the improvisers who play them are not. An improviser who only partially listens is likely to miss important information.
Judging
The listener doesn’t pay attention because he or she disapproves of the message. The very first thing improvisers are taught is to support their scene partners’ choices, no matter what they think of them. Only with agreement can the two partners build a scene together.
Dreaming
The other person’s message sparks a memory or association, and the listener gets lost in his or her own thoughts. I’ve not seen this happen too often on stage. What can happen it that improvisers flit from idea to idea rather than exploring what is interesting about what is right in front of them.
Identifying
The listener is reminded of a story he or she immediately has to tell before the other person has finished speaking. The improv equivalent of this is caring only about your own character’s wants, forgetting that the interaction between the two characters’ wants is often where comedy arises.
Advising
The listener rushes to offer solutions before he or she has absorbed and reflected on what the speaker is saying. Novice improvisers often try to solve problems that come up in their scenes. I advise them that the audience wants to see the characters deal with the consequences of the problem more than they care whether the problem was resolved. To quote Mark Sutton, “Nobody ever walks out of an improv show thinking, ‘Gee, I’m really glad they fixed that bike.’”
Sparring
The listener immediately presents objections to the message; put-downs and discounting compliments fall into this category. Arguments of the “Yes, you did!” “No, I didn’t!” variety become boring pretty fast; hence, many instructors teach their students that they must not do argument scenes. I think the occasional argument is okay as long as it reveals how the characters feel about each other, thus moving the scene forward.
Being Right
The listener is unwilling to accept the possibility that he or she could be wrong and refuses to hear the other person’s point of view. The ability to admit one is wrong is an important skill, both on stage and off. When two people on stage both refuse to admit they are wrong, the scene turns into an argument and stops progressing because the action is stuck on the problem issue. Nothing is going to happen until one person admits they are wrong, so one of the improvisers must make the choice to be the loser. It’s hard to overcome your natural aversion to losing, at least until you realize that it’s often the loser who gets to have the most fun in the scene.
Derailing
The listener abruptly changes the subject. Improvisers sometimes do this on stage when they fear the scene is running out of steam. It usually creates more problems than it solves. Instead, improvisers should recommit. As Susan Messing says, “If you hate it, do it more.”
Placating
The listener nods and says “Uh-huh” as if he or she listening, but in fact is not interested enough in the message to process the information. Most improvisers are interested in what their scene partners have to say, but something like this sometimes happens when the player has an idea for how he or she wants the scene to go. We call this “coming in with an agenda.”
Have you found other things that get in the way of listening to your scene partner? What are your favorite exercises for working on listening skills?
In her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, Susan Cain points out that, contrary to popular belief, introverts are often very effective leaders. Their listening skills allow them to hear new ideas and to connect with people in a meaningful way. In the same vein, introverts may bring a type of creativity to the stage that their extroverted counterparts must work harder to develop.
When I started improvising, I may have lacked the confidence that extroverts approach the stage with, but I think I learned faster than those students who oozed charisma and seemed to be able to think of witty things to say off the top of their heads. The problem with relying on your wit in an improv scene is that no matter how clever you are, eventually you will run out of funny things to say. And since you haven’t been listening to your scene partner, you haven’t forged a connection with them that can help carry you through the rest of the scene. You may not know what the scene is about; worse yet, your scene may not be about anything since you missed several opportunities to jump on fun things to explore that came up along the way.
While introverts may have a natural advantage, anyone can improve their listening skills with practice. The first step is to investigate when and why you don’t listen. The following are 12 habits that get in the way of true listening, as presented in the book Messages: the Communication Skills Book by Matthew McKay, Martha Davis, and Patrick Fanning. They weren’t written for improvisers, but I have attempted to adapt and explain them so they can be applied to your improv skills.
Comparing
The listener uses what the other person is saying as criteria for examining how he or she measures up. As most beginning improvisers are taught, self-judgement only gets in the way during a scene. Of course, it takes many improvisers years to silence that voice of judgement in their heads.
Mind Reading
The listener hears the words the other person is saying, but looks for evidence that the other person may be hiding their true feelings. This one is the oddball on the list, because this is actually the kind of listening that I teach my students. Everything said has meaning, even if that meaning is hidden. This is one of those examples of things that don’t serve us well in life are the very things we want to do on the stage.
Rehearsing
The listener is busy planning what he or she will say next. So many improvisers get caught in this trap, particularly when they feel the need to be funny or clever. Being on stage and not knowing what is going to happen next can be a scary experience, even for a seasoned improviser. It takes a lot of practice to learn to relax, stay in the moment, and trust that if both partners truly listen to each other, the scene will unfold naturally.
Filtering
Once the listener hears (or doesn’t hear) the specific message he or she is interested in, the person mentally checks out. In improv scenes, characters are allowed to do this as an expression of their point of view, but the improvisers who play them are not. An improviser who only partially listens is likely to miss important information.
Judging
The listener doesn’t pay attention because he or she disapproves of the message. The very first thing improvisers are taught is to support their scene partners’ choices, no matter what they think of them. Only with agreement can the two partners build a scene together.
Dreaming
The other person’s message sparks a memory or association, and the listener gets lost in his or her own thoughts. I’ve not seen this happen too often on stage. What can happen it that improvisers flit from idea to idea rather than exploring what is interesting about what is right in front of them.
Identifying
The listener is reminded of a story he or she immediately has to tell before the other person has finished speaking. The improv equivalent of this is caring only about your own character’s wants, forgetting that the interaction between the two characters’ wants is often where comedy arises.
Advising
The listener rushes to offer solutions before he or she has absorbed and reflected on what the speaker is saying. Novice improvisers often try to solve problems that come up in their scenes. I advise them that the audience wants to see the characters deal with the consequences of the problem more than they care whether the problem was resolved. To quote Mark Sutton, “Nobody ever walks out of an improv show thinking, ‘Gee, I’m really glad they fixed that bike.’”
Sparring
The listener immediately presents objections to the message; put-downs and discounting compliments fall into this category. Arguments of the “Yes, you did!” “No, I didn’t!” variety become boring pretty fast; hence, many instructors teach their students that they must not do argument scenes. I think the occasional argument is okay as long as it reveals how the characters feel about each other, thus moving the scene forward.
Being Right
The listener is unwilling to accept the possibility that he or she could be wrong and refuses to hear the other person’s point of view. The ability to admit one is wrong is an important skill, both on stage and off. When two people on stage both refuse to admit they are wrong, the scene turns into an argument and stops progressing because the action is stuck on the problem issue. Nothing is going to happen until one person admits they are wrong, so one of the improvisers must make the choice to be the loser. It’s hard to overcome your natural aversion to losing, at least until you realize that it’s often the loser who gets to have the most fun in the scene.
Derailing
The listener abruptly changes the subject. Improvisers sometimes do this on stage when they fear the scene is running out of steam. It usually creates more problems than it solves. Instead, improvisers should recommit. As Susan Messing says, “If you hate it, do it more.”
Placating
The listener nods and says “Uh-huh” as if he or she listening, but in fact is not interested enough in the message to process the information. Most improvisers are interested in what their scene partners have to say, but something like this sometimes happens when the player has an idea for how he or she wants the scene to go. We call this “coming in with an agenda.”
Have you found other things that get in the way of listening to your scene partner? What are your favorite exercises for working on listening skills?
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